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Go here. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Have you ever read a fanfic that was popular and yet really bad? Did you make fun of it with your friends, complain about it in chat, but not dare to say anything about it in public because pissy authors and their friends will send you spam and flames instead of admitting their work isn't perfect? Well, we're not putting up with that anymore. This is a fanfiction review site. It's different from other sites because we're reviewing fic for the readers, and not for the authors. We are not here to give authors compliments or constructive criticism. We're tired of being flamed or accused of being bitches when we try to tell someone their work has problems without giving them five pages of compliments first. So screw the writers. This page is for readers; think of it like a book or movie review page. We're just going to say what we honestly think of fics. And you know what we think? Fanfic writers are often attention-seeking crybabies who can't write, and they need a slap to the fuckin' head. You have questions? See the FAQ. If you have more questions, fic suggestions, or if you want to insult/ flame/congratulate us, you can contact us here. Or sign/read our gbook. WHO THE HELL ARE WE? Just a group of fangirls who have a duty. Our ranks grow in number daily! In order to help you figure out why we might have given a fic the review we did, or to assist you in properly flaming/debating with one of us, here are our pseudonyms and bios. (Note: we do not review our own writing; it's too hard to be objective. However, we may review each other's writing.) REBEL TOY Hates bad grammar, angst, and bad love stories. Loves WAFF, humor, and smut. #1 Fanfic Peeve: men/boys written to act like teenaged girls. LEATHER DADDY I'm always finding the worst fics and purposely inflicting them on myself... and others. XD #1 Fanfic Peeve: Fangirl Japanese. MIDNIGHT MUTATION Hates seeing overdone cliches, characters that aren't in-character, and plot holes large enough to stuff the author's entire high school class in. #1 Fanfic Peeve: Fic writers that ignore the established canon without a damn good reason to. PINK FREAK Likes fun smut (and non-smut too) that keeps people in character. Hates many things including crying, JP in English fics, and the overemphasis of virginity. #1 Fanfic Peeve: after much consideration, probably the usage of Japanese in a fic that is not a JP fic. VICIOUS BABY Hates crybabies, the inability to use a spellchecker, Mary-Sue characters, and random, unexplained out-of-character behavior. Loves smut (PWP if it's handled right,) cheeze, original fics, satire fics, and comedies. #1 Fanfic Peeve: Mary-Sue characters FERAL CHEEKS Hates out-of-character being passed off as in-character, glaring cultural anachronisms, authors making comments inside their own stories. #1 Fanfic Peeve: Overwrought descriptions (my, those melting chocolate eyes sound... tasty, I guess) GILDED FANTASY Hates complete irreverance for canon and plausibility, out of canon relationships/ romance, angst. Likes well-written serious vingettes, parody and comedy. #1 Fanfic Peeve: Gundam Wing Yaoi (subject to change) PURPLE OUTCAST Hates out of character fics, self insertion/mary-sue fics, lack of character development and plot. Likes: When fic writers use logic. #1 Fanfic Peeve: Those perfect mary-sue characters, my... they're so perfect why angst? ELECTRIC DESIRE Hates mpreg, OOC, fanon, etc. Likes in-character fic, and proper use of grammar, spell-check, and hopefully at least one beta-reader. #1 Fanfic Peeve: Fanon fic. Series/game? What series/game? That only impairs my fic... VELVET VENUS Hates male characters turned into teenage girls, implausible relationships with no justification, OOC, stories that skimp on plot just to get to the smut. Likes parody, UST and smut. XD #1 Fanfic Peeve: You are the uke, therefore your lose all character traits and turn into a crying little virgin. INFO FOR MEMBERS If it's not there, please add your name and short bio to the side, and remember to use it. Remember to put the series name and then the fic title; also remember to archive before writing a review. Archive format is SERIES :: FIC TITLE. (Name the html file whatever you want as long as it's pretty unique.) This will insure that the site is tidy and sexy. Sankyu!  
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My Neighbor Totoro :: Helping Paws SCORE IN-CHARACTER: 1/5 (Totoro is SO not in character.) PLOT: 0/5 (eew) WRITING: 4/5 TOTORO SEX MAGIC: -5/5 How on Earth do I find these god-awful fics? I don't actively go out searching for stuff quite this bad; I simply stumble across it. Then, like a traffic accident, I can't pull my eyes away. I'm sucked in, and the grotesque horror consumes me... Ugh, now I'm sounding like a bad fic. But seriously, this has to be one of the most disturbing pieces of fan fiction that I have read in a long time. And, naturally, I felt that I must share it with everyone! Then again, if you are smart, you'll see the series and title of this story and run away screaming. I'm warning everyone now that this is a Totoro hentai fic. I should really end my review right here. I mean-- TOTORO HENTAI FIC sums up this nightmare quite nicely. However, I guess, for the sake of entertainment (or something), I'll continue this review. This story has been festering since--er, was written back in 1993. I am surprised that I have not come across it before now. I should be thankful. The writing, while not of stellar quality, is not really THAT bad. The author even knows how to use a Spellchecker! Yay! I actually have nothing to complain about the actual writing and grammar in this story. It's the premise that sends me into convulsions. Lets see... The story is told in the first person, so I am not exactly sure WHO is doing the telling. It could be either of the two heroines from My Neighbor Totoro, or it could be someone else entirely. I choose to believe it's not either of the girls from the anime. I feel better that way. The heroine of this story is an adult and is happily married. She has fond memories of growing up in the countryside and having fun with that friendly woodland guardian, Totoro. However, now she is having some serious problems. She and her husband are childless, and, no matter what they try, she cannot conceive. Finally a doctor suggests that they go to the countryside for some rest and relaxation. Perhaps getting away from the stress of always trying to have a child would help things. So they travel to the country where she grew up. That night the heroine spots one of those cute little mini Totoro and follows it through the woods. "It wasn't until he popped out of sight downwards that I even began to consider what I was doing: chasing a myth, stark naked, in the middle of the night." So far, things are a little strange, but I am not shuddering yet. Then she arrives at that place deep in the woods where Totoro lives. There is a tearfully joyous reunion where she pours her heart out to the smiling forest god. It nods, grins, and they play around a little. But then... Ack. No. Please... No.... Yes. Oh God. Totoro is not content with simply offering our heroine a warm hug and consolation over her childless state. Rather, he wants to do something to help. What could that be? Yeah, you sickos out there have guessed right. Totoro has sex with the heroine. This would be bad enough if it was some guy comforting her with sex, but the fact that it is a giant furry forest spirit makes it all the worse. I'm going to quote some parts of the sex scene, so I'm warning you--if you have a weak stomach, leave now! You have been warned! AAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! We get such wonderfully descriptive scenes as: "His touch became more and more urgent as we lay there, and after a time I felt something pressing against my leg. I pulled away from him and looked down. His cock was in proportion to the rest of him. Far bigger than any I had seen, even in pictures. I must have lain there looking at it for too long, as Totoro gently pushed me onto my back and moved to a position between my legs. Somehow the thought that Totoro wasn't human never even entered my head; my only concern was that if he tried to enter me, I might be torn in half!" Not concerned about the bestiality? How lovely. "I felt the pressure of his cock against the outside of my pussy, and then Totoro give a peculiar wiggle, and he was inside me. I felt him slide deep inside, filling me as I had never been filled before." I really HOPE she had never been filled by a Totoro before. So after the scary sex scene, our heroine returns home and has sex with her husband. Wow, you'd think shagging a forest guardian would wear you out, but she is still good to go. And, wouldn't you know it, the magical Totoro Sex helped her conceive, and she soon got pregnant at last! She and her husband eventually have a daughter. What I want to know is if this is some nasty Totoro-human child, or if Totoro's...uh... sperm... simply allowed the heroine to conceive, so that when she had sex with her husband, she was able to get pregnant. I think, for my peace of mind, that I shall believe the latter possibility. I do NOT want to think of smiling half-Totoro kids running around out there. Now how out of character can Totoro get? Totoro is a charming, fuzzy creature who makes plants grow and waits at bus stops in the rain. He does NOT have sex with women so they can get pregnant! The very THOUGHT of Magic Totoro Sex goes against the very spirit of the creature! I suppose I should be glad there is no sign of the Catbus in this fic. I felt violated after reading this story! I will never look at Totoro the same way again! I can't even look at my Totoro plushies without imagining that they are leering at me! Agh! Damn this fic! ARRRGHHH! This slap to the head was administered at 01:29 a.m. on Saturday, December 8, 2001. |